Chris Evans may not have a co-host on Top Gear

Chris Evans May Not Have A Co-Host On Top Gear

We can’t help but wonder if everyone’s second favourite ginger television personality is something from some kind of breakdown in 2015.

Earlier in the year, he flatly denied being interested in the Top Gear job because he didn’t want the stress.

Weeks later, he took it and quit The One Show.

Then he returned to Channel 4 for a one-off episode of crap nineties show Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush in an insane move that was pilloried by critics and “fans” alike, while kids were scared to clean their teeth ever again.

After a pilot died at an air show he organised, he then tried to shift his collection of classic cars at auction, only for visitors to turn their noses up at the unrealistic price tags.

And now he’s planning to turn Top Gear on its head by going it alone.

“They’re the Three Stooges,” he said in reference to former hosts, Clarkson, May and Hammond. “They are the Bee Gees. They are that and I’m not. I’m me.”

After cleaning up the fact that he isn’t the secret ginger Bee Gee after all, Evans insisted: “I’m a solo artist at the moment, I’m on my own. So do I form a band or not?”

Um. Maybe?

Evans has asked fans to post their audition tapes, hinting that any new host might even be an ordinary member of the public, such as me or you.

No, perhaps not you. But definitely me.

Evans does have a point, though, that the new Top Gear will have to do things differently to the previous series, but the cynic in us wonders whether the decision to go solo has more to do with financial cutbacks at the beeb than anything else.

As well as Evans doing everything himself, including recording it, editing it, colouring it and airing it, the format will also change: “We’re going to change it (the format). I can’t tell you into what.”

Driverless Lorry Tested On Motorway

As if driverless cars weren’t enough to give us all the jeepers creepers, gigantic, scary-looking driverless lorries are now being tested on German roads by Daimler. SkyNet has basically arrived.

The thunderous machines rely on a radar and camera sensing system to help them avoid smashing into (terrified) regular drivers.

To activate the driverless system, truckies simply have to hit a “highway pilot” button, before kicking back and taking it easy.

Daimler insist that the driverless lorries require a human driver to be present at all times, and that said human must remain focused on the road.

But, come on, we all know that truckies are going to be at the betting shop while their lorries are let loose all over the country. It’s only a matter of time before one “accidentally” invades Russian air space or something.

The recent test drive by Daimler was largely a success, with only 4 German’s killed and 17 Proton’s wiped out.

Okay, we jest – it actually was a success, with Daimler executive Wolfgang Bernhard steering his lorry down a stretch of the autobahn, before allowing the autonomous driving system to have a turn.

And after that, he handed the reigns to his 4 year-old daughter. I mean, why not? Why not just go ahead and let your German Shepherd have a go too, Wolfgang? And then why not let your bloody frankfurter have a go while you’re at it too!!

Ahem.

The driverless truck reached a speed of 50mph before it was safely returned to its laboratory.

Toyota Face U.S. Probe Into Islamic Extremist Use

It’s well known that the robustness of Toyota’s SUVs has made them popular in the Australian outback, but it’s less well known that said toughness has also made them very appealing to a more sinister market – the ISIS market.

News coverage showing ISIS members driving around in Toyota’s has alerted U.S. officials, who have now spoken to the Japanese automotive giants about the situation.

“They are not our vehicles,” said a Toyota source. “They have clearly been Photoshopped. Look at that front wing there. That is a Dacia Duster if ever I’ve seen one.”

The whole affair is bad rep for Toyota’s worldwide brand, as their SUVs are frequently seen ferrying ISIS fighters from one region to another.

Toyota have distanced themselves from the scandal, insisting they have a “strict policy to not sell vehicles to potential purchasers who may use or modify them for paramilitary or terrorist activities.”

They went on to say: “We are committed to complying fully with the laws and regulations of each country or region where we operate, and require our dealers and distributors to do the same.”

Record UK Car Sales Despite VW Scandal

So it seems that punters don’t really care about a bit of emissions cheating after all, as it emerged this week that more cars were sold this September than ever before.

Figures released by the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders showed that registrations were at a record high, and 9% higher than the previous September.

The figures also revealed that the car industry has had its best selling period for over a decade, with 2 million new vehicles shifted in 2015 so far.

The figures also show that the recent VW emissions scandal has not impacted on sales, although SMMT’s chief executive Mike Hawes urged caution when he said that it was still “too early” to say and that there may be “some levelling off” over the next few months.

Moreover, the popular VW Golf did fall out of the top 3 best-sellers in September.

But it’s clear that diesel sales have remained consistent since the scandal which affected 1.2 million vehicles in the UK.

Cars affected by the scandal include Audi’s, Seat’s, Skoda’s and VW’s.

Craiglist Car Deal Ends With Shootings

Sometimes, buying a car off Craiglist sounds like a good idea. After all, a good deal is a good deal, right?

When a father and son from Grand Rapids in America found what they thought was an awesome deal on a popular classified ads website Craigslist, they saw nothing wrong with heading out to meet the seller to do some business.

They exercised a bit of caution, though, and took along a licensed handgun with them. As you do when you’re buying any car, really. I once took a handgun along to my local Fiat showroom.

I was arrested and incarcerated, yes.

Unfortunately, it turned out that the “seller” turned out to be a gang of three hoodlums, who tried to rob father and son as soon as they turned up at the non-existent address.

In response, the son whipped out his trusty handgun and blasted two of the robbers in the chest.

The wounded pair were taken to a local hospital, where they are still being treated.

The third robber is still on the run.

“This was a Craigslist deal gone bad,” Chief Jim Blocker of Battle Creek Police said.

 

Andrew Kirkley

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  • 8th October 2015

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