Volkswagen rigs US emissions data
VW made headline news this week when it was revealed that the German automotive giant had installed naughty software to cheat on emission tests.
The rigging effectively allowed VW’s diesel cars to produce a whopping 40 times morepollution than is lawful.
Far from turning the world green, they’ve turned the American government red.
Said angry government has now called on VW to recall some 482,000 cars.
“I want them alldumped in the Pacific Ocean where they will no longer harm our beautiful planet!!” cried one member of Congress.
As a result of therevelations, £10.8billion has already been wiped off the company’s market value, as frightened investors now see obscure manufacturers like Dacia as a safer bet.
Fines will also beimposed on Volkswagen, with rumours suggesting that the total sum could amount to more than VW usually make in a years’ net profit.
Worse still, its Managers could be threatened with criminal charges, while VW drivers have already toldus how they’re scared of being seen in public in their cars.
“The fear of beingcalled a cheat is looming over me,” said one man living and driving in Woking.“I dropped my little boy off at school the other day, and I could hear the kidssniping ‘Emissions Cheat! Emissions Cheat!’ to him as soon as they realised his dad drove a Volkswagen Polo.”
There are also fears that the scandal isn’t limited to Volkswagen, but that other automotive firms have also been cheating the system in a similar way.
VW left it to their Chief Executive Martin Winterkorn to issue an apology on behalf of the wholeteam, but the future doesn’t look too bright for a company who did well to survive a furious boardroom power struggle earlier this year.
UK, France and Germany Accused Of Lobbying For Flawed Car Emissions Tests
At the start of the week, the UK, France and Germany were in a strong position as they publicly called for an investigation into Volkswagen’s rigging of emissions data.
“THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.”
But they’ve ended the week shamefaced, denounced as piggish hypocrites, as documents have allegedly revealed that the hapless trio lobbied behind the scenes to keep loopholes incar tests that would boost emissions by 14% above those claimed.
Four months before the emissions scandal exploded, the Big Three pushed loopholes from a test that was created back in 1970 to the WLTP.
Greg Archer of think tank Transport and Environment, said: “It is unacceptable that governments which rightly demand an EU inquiry into VW’s rigging of air pollution tests are simultaneously lobbying behind the scenes to continue therigging of CO2 emissions tests.”
Automobile emissions currently account for 12% of Europe’s total carbon emissions.
By 2021, Europeancars will not be allowed to exceed an EU emissions limit of 95g per CO2
The loopholes revealed in the leaked documents would send real world CO2 emissions soaring to 110g per CO2, while increasing fuel bills by around €140 a year.
Drag Racing On The Rise
Street racing is now very much an in-thing among young adults, a survey by Allianz Centre for Technology has revealed.
According to the German study, 38% of the 17-24 year old drivers surveyed said they had participated in a street race, with 38% of them bragging that they came out winners.
41% claimed their driving style is a mixture of “sporty and downright offensive”, while 51% of those surveyed said that they were careful drivers.
Despite the worrying results, there are some positives to take:
1) Germany is quite far away
2) Long-term statistics suggested younger drivers are actually getting safer
Number 2 would seem to contradict the headline that DRAG RACING IS ON THE RISE OMG, but the number of fatal car crashes involved young Germans has decreased by two thirds.
According to sources this could be down to the fact that drag racers are taking extra precautions, such as using their brakes now and then.
“I’ve told him to behave and actually use the brake pedal,” said Helga, mother of drag racer Sebastian “No Hands” Muller.
Accident researcher Dr. Jorg Kubitzki said: “There is an urgent need to give policemen better tools to combat the international disregard for the law and punish serious traffic offenders.”
Yoko Ono To Star In 2016 Pirelli Calendar
If anybody has everseen a Pirelli calendar before, they’ll know just how saucy they can be.
In 2015, a topless Joan Smalls got into a boxing ring and transformed into Miss March, while in 2014 Miranda Kerr showed off her long, perfectly toned legs.
And let’s not forget that classy black and white shot of Kate Moss for their 2012 calendar,or model Karen Alexander’s backside in the 1994 edition.
In 2016, buyers ofthe Pirelli calendar will be treated to … Yoko Ono.
Aka. John Lennon’swidow.
Aka. thatavant-garde artist who seems a bit scary.
There is no doubtthat Pirelli’s calendars have always been more cinematic, more artistic than your average tire calendar, but rumours that Yoko Ono gets her kit off and straddles a tire have already taken $53million off Pirelli’s market value in a single day.
Famed photographer Annie Leibovitz, who shot French model Laetitia Casta nude for the 2000 calendar, once again picks up her camera for this years’ shoot.
Starring alongside Ono will be Serena Williams, Fran Lebowitz, Yao Chen and Tavi Gevinson among other household names.
Annie Leibovitz hada clear vision for the calendar when she said: “I started to think about theroles that women play, women who have achieved something. I wanted to make aclassic set of portraits. I thought that the women should look strong but natural and I decided to keep it a very simple exercise of shooting in the studio.
“This calendar isso completely different. It is a departure. The idea was not to have any pretence in these pictures and be very straightforward.”
Pirelli declined tocomment that they forgot to tell Leibovitz they just sell tires.
Red Bull Once Again Threatens To Quit Formula 1
There doesn’t seem to be a week goes by where Red Bull aren’t subjecting us to their bluster, and yet again the most spoiled team in the sport ever is threatening to quit Formula 1.
They say they want a more competitive engine, and are ready to quit using Renault-supplied units in order to work with an engine from Ferrari for next year.
So far, they’ve been offered Tom Jones, a Snickers bar and a selfie stick. But they’re still holding out for that engine.
Red Bull say they will not accept anything from the Italian’s if the engine’s performance doesn’t match the one used by the current Ferrari team.
The four-time constructor champions claim it is inevitable that they will pull out of F1 if the Ferrari team supplies them with a dodgy engine that continues to be 30 to 40bhp less than the one used by the Italian team themselves.
Red Bull dominated the sport between 2010 and 2013, when their showpiece driver Sebastien Vettel scooped four consecutive driver championship crowns.
Fans of the sport complained that Red Bull were too fast and hampered competition.
New rules and regulations were introduced, and Red Bull’s star has since fallen.
Their current drivers, Daniel Ricciardio and Danil Kyvat sit 7th and 8th in 2015’s driver’s standings.