Toyota is number one, VW makes a big loss and Lada has a new car

One In Six Of Us Use A Smartphone While Crossing Roads

New data released from Ford has revealed that one in six of us use our Smartphones while crossing the road.

The data also shows that 47% of us chat on our phone while crossing roads.

texting-pedestrian32% of us listen to music while crossing roads, while 15% of us text and cross at the same time.

One hospitalised girl we spoke to admitted using her Smartphone while crossing Euston Road. “I had just asked me mum to get me fish and mushy peas from the chip shop and then Bam! An imported Lada wiped me out. When I was told a Lada had nearly killed me, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think they made them anymore.”

OSV is also aware that there is a group of daredevils around the country who call themselves “Dangerous Road Crossers UK”. These daredevils challenge one another to use their Smartphones while crossing all kinds of scarily dangerous roads.

One member who wished to remain anonymous revealed: “Dangerous Road Crossers UK is no longer even confined to just busy, inner-city roads. We cross airport runways while using our Smartphones, bus terminals, train tracks, Silverstone. We’re everywhere. I’m considering crossing the channel with mine and getting into the direct path of a ferry.”

Ford surveyed 10,000 people across Europe, with most acknowledging their behaviour as dangerous and reckless.

Bizarrely, 60% said they feel safe knowing that autonomous cars will save the day if they do happen to get into trouble.


Toyota LogoToyota Is Number 1 Again

The clocks have gone back, Aston Villa have sacked another Manager. To sharpen our sense that order has been resumed in the world, Toyota has returned to its rightful place at the top of global vehicle sales charts.

The Japanese automotive giant just about nudged controversial German firm Volkswagen into second place, selling 7.5million vehicles to VW’s 7.43million.

General Motors took the bronze medal with 7.2million sales in the first three quarters of 2015.

It wasn’t always like this all year though. For the first ever time, VW led for the first six months, putting Toyota into second place.

But just when it seemed as though the German’s would take the honours after nine months, controversy besieged them, giving Toyota the chance to overtake them on the straight.

One unlucky punter we spoke to at a betting shop in Croydon was gutted. “I put £2,000 on Volkswagen being top after nine months. My wife said play it safe and stick to eight months but I stuck to me guns ‘cause that’s the kind of person I am. I’m a bloody nutter when I get in the betting shop.

“I went against me better judgement ‘coz obviously I knew all about the emissions scandal. But I seriously thought they’d last the pace, mate. I’m brassid now, mate.”

The race to be top-seller was heated, with commentators comparing Toyota’s late charge to United’s overtaking of Newcastle in the 95-96 Premier League season.

“United left it late that season, and Toyota left it late this season. But true winners always come good in the end,” said a commentator for ESPN.

Toyota struggled this year though, with their sales a whopping 1.5% lower than this time last year.

Ever since they took the crown in 2008, they haven’t looked back, losing out only in 2011 to General Motors.

“The smart money is on Toyota winning every year until they invent flying cars,” said a betting guru.

Proton meanwhile, were relegated to Division 17.

The Lada Is Back

What do you call a convertible Lada? A skip.

Lada Putin Remember the Lada? Of course you do! Admit it! Back in the late eighties/early nineties, owning a Lada was a sign of being so penniless you couldn’t even afford a Skoda.

Basically, if you drove a Lada, you were at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder. In fact, you weren’t even on the ladder.

And if your dad dropped you off at school in his Lada, you definitely got bullied and nicknamed “Lada Boy” before threatening to run away from home if papa didn’t upgrade to a Vauxhall instead.

You might have presumed that Lada’s have disappeared, but thanks to continued international sanctions imposed on Russia, the Lada is back with a bang(er).

Spikes in interest rates and inflation, as well as the depreciation of the rouble, has meant that Russian automotive production has stalled.

Consequently, President Putin was last week seen test driving the brand new Lada Vesta.

The people who saw him have since been tortured and told to forget everything they ever saw, but OSV has it from a credible source that Putin was definitely behind the wheel of a Lada.

Indeed, an unnamed spokesman for AvtoVAZ (the oddly named company behind Lada) said: “Putin supports Russian automotive industry very much, so we showed him what the industry can do.”

Ie. produce a Lada. That’s showing him boys!

Rumours that it broke down are unconfirmed.Lada Vesta

The spokesman went on: “The only really new vehicle for the past ten years is the Lada Vesta.”


“For the past years, the Russian government has taken very hard actions … in this situation of the falling market. For example, scrappage programme and trade-in programmes, support interest rates for credit.”

Yada-yada. In a nutshell, the Lada is back and it’s the only car Russia is producing. So deal with it.

Volkswagen Hits The Red For First Time In 15 Years

Earlier this week, Volkswagen announced a net loss of €1.67billion for the last three months. Coupled with an operating loss of more than €3billion, the last quarter has been nothing short of a disaster for the fallen German automotive giant.

VW lossIt is the first time VW have hit the red for fifteen years, with the loss being blamed on costs causes by the emissions scandals.

Expenditures are calculated to have already reached a staggering €6.7billion, largely because of the need to refit all affected vehicles. VW haven’t yet stopped the bleeding, with costs expected to keep rising until they can estimate their liabilities from lawsuits.

The organisation expects final expenditures to total more than €40billion.

A modicum of good news for Volkswagen is that they expect sales to remain stable, with sales rising 5% according to its latest report.

Shares also rose by 3% on the Frankfurt Stock Exchange, although €21billion of capital has been lost since the scandal first rocked the company in mid-September.

Volkswagen has a few contingency plans in place, and will cut investments at its core division by €1billion while putting money aside to support sales if deliveries are adversely affected by the controversy.

Almost 40% Of Business Drivers Penalised While Driving At Work

According to research released earlier this week by Masternaut, close to four in ten business drivers were given points on their license while driving during working hours.

39% of business drivers who took part in the survey admitted receiving points for work-related driving faux pas. 62% of the guilty ones admitting accruing points for speeding offences.

Offer crimes (okay “misdemeanours”) committed by business drivers include traffic-light related offences, driving without reasonable consideration for other road users, and dangerous driving in general.

2,000 business drivers were surveyed by Masternaut, and were all employees who drive as part of their job.

Masternaut’s goal with the survey was to “examine the effect of employee points amassed when driving for work.”

The report follows one released in June by the Department of Transport, which found that road casualties had increased by 6% in 2014.

When we asked Tommy “Speedster” Evans, a pizza delivery lad from Manchester, whether he thought that UK drivers are becoming more dangerous, he blamed it on the pressures of work: “Last week, I had to deliver a pepperoni pizza to Fallowfield, a ham and pineapple to Levenshulme, and a vegetable pizza and kebab to Salford – all within 10 minutes. It’s just not possible, pal. I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I’m only 14.”

Despite the alarming results, a three quarters of business drivers are confident that they would easily pass their driving test if they had to retake it.

Although half admitted that driver training would improve their safety awareness and make them overall better drivers.

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